i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
