True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
