Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
