i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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