So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
