why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
