you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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