You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
