:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
