I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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