Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
