I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
