Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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