I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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