He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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