You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
