dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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