It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
