Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
