I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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