He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
