So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I could fuck to npr.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
