I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
