Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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