Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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