We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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