she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
