Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
