There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
