I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
