nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
