i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
