The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
