I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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