My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
