One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
