Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize