his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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