Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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