i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
