another moral hangover. fuck.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize