i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize