the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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