Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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