you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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