its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
