just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
