Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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