I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
