Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
