Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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