We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
