Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
