Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
