my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
