I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
