I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
