I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
