The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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