I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
