You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
