Im at strip club and am horny
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
