We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize