I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
