I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
