Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
