I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
